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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26053237">It’s Dark Inside</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/keysmashi/pseuds/keysmashi'>keysmashi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Doctor Who, Doctor Who &amp; Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/F, Gen, One Shot, Post-Episode: s12e10 The Timeless Children, So much angst, spoilers for every new who companion exit, technically canon compliant, the point is angst, there isn’t much thasmin but that isn’t really the point of the fic, thirteen needs a hug okay</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 10:21:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>951</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26053237</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/keysmashi/pseuds/keysmashi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor’s stuck in prison, and she can’t see the stars.<br/>aka: The Doctor has been left alone with her thoughts for too long.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>It’s Dark Inside</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So this was written on the spur of the moment, unbeta-d, in the late hours of the night. While it’s not the first thing I’ve written, it is my first fic for any fandom.<br/>Anyway, I hope y’all enjoy reading it, in that weird way you can enjoy reading angst.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It’s dark in the Doctor’s cell.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She’s been in several at this point, having tried to escape multiple times. Each failure gave her a new cell with higher security. This one’s the worst so far: a small, dark cube with a single dim light in the ceiling and no visible exit. Food arrives once a day via some sort of teleport, along with a small bucket of water to clean herself with. They disappear within minutes, so she has to be quick. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">As prison cells go, this is not one of her favourites.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But the worst part about this cell is that there’s no window. However small, all of her other cells had windows that let her see out into the depths of space. She spent a lot of time staring out of the window, trying to ignore her thoughts. The sight of the stars gave her some form of hope, that she might one day escape. See her fam again, and travel around the universe with them. It gave her hope, the sight of the stars and the thought of her friends. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She doesn’t know if she’ll get to see them again, or if they’d even recognise her. Appearance-wise, she’s changed dramatically. Her hair’s grown longer, and her old clothes were damaged beyond repair in one of her early escape attempts. She now wears a grey jumpsuit, day-in, day-out. She knows she’s lost weight, as well. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">All in all, the Doctor currently imprisoned is a very different Doctor to the one who crashed through the train roof. How long has it been since then? Several years at least, though that’s a blink of an eye in her timeline. Some of her bodies have lasted for over a thousand years.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She could have a thousand years worth of missing bodies, people who she doesn’t remember being. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">No. That’s a bad thought. Change the subject.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Solitary confinement is quite possibly the worst thing that could have happened to her, given what she’d just found out. She needs to be busy, zipping around the universe, just a traveller, helping out here and there. She’s well practiced in running from her emotions, especially this version of her. But it’s hard to run when you’re stuck in the same cell for months on end. Planning escapes helped distract her, as did the stars. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There’s no stars now, and no hope of escape. She’s stuck in a cell, no distractions, alone with her thoughts for the first time in so long. And her thoughts are not kind to her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">All the people she’s hurt, all the lives she hasn’t saved? Her thoughts have no reason to be kind to her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">‘<em>We’re not letting you go, you’re not doing this-‘</em></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s2">‘Get off me, Yaz!’</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She’s abandoned Ryan, Graham and Yaz, despite Yaz’s pleading for her to stay. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They probably think she’s dead. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s2">‘Please.’ </span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The look on Yaz’s face as she stepped back and let her go. It was nearly enough to make her stop right there, to hell with the Master and and his Cybermasters. She hurt all of them, but she broke Yaz’s heart. And her own. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2"> <em>‘Live great lives.’</em> </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It’s probably for the best that they think she’s not coming back.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2"> <em>‘I waited for you.’</em> </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Bill, converted to a Cyberman because the Doctor took too long saving her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2"> <em>‘Let me be brave.’</em> </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Clara, killed by the Quantum Shade because she became too reckless travelling with the Doctor.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2"> <em>‘Raggedy Man... goodbye!’</em> </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Amy and Rory, trapped in the past by a Weeping Angel.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2"> <em>‘I was gonna be with you forever.’</em> </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Donna, whose memory was wiped by the Doctor to save her life.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2"> <em>‘So this is me. Getting out.’</em> </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Martha, who the Doctor treated horribly. She turned out okay, no thanks to her.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2"> <em>‘I made my choice a long time ago, and I’m never going to leave you.’</em> </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Rose. Who did leave her, ending up living in a parallel universe with the other, human version of the Doctor. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And so many others. So many other people who she’s hurt, or killed. There’ll be people who she can’t even remember hurting-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And there it is. The thoughts she’s been hiding from. Part of her life stolen from her, her genetic code taken and manipulated without her consent. And before all of that, she was thrown through a portal and left all alone. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She hadn’t had time to process it back on Gallifrey. She’s had plenty of time in her cell.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">First was the avoidance, back when she still had hope. She’d throw herself into escaping like she used to throw herself into adventures. Or she’d switch her mind off and look at the stars, or she’d talk to herself, or she’d pretend her friends were here and talk to them. Anything to avoid her thoughts.</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Sometimes she’s angry. The Oncoming Storm, white-hot and raging over what had been done to her. They took her, they abused her, they used her, and they made her forget it.</span> <span class="s1">She screams as loud as she can, hits the walls and the floor and anything at all. It makes no difference, none at all.</span></p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">After the anger comes the sadness, the grief over the years of lost memories. What was done to that child, to </span> <span class="s2">her</span> <span class="s1">, was so obscenely wrong. Her tears would fill an ocean, but they don’t ever fall.</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The anger, she thinks, is easier than the sadness.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And then, sat in the dark cell where she can’t see the stars, comes the worst feeling. The numbness. She’s felt so much, hurt so much, it’s all</span>
  <span class="s2">.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Too. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Much.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So she curls up in a corner, and gives up.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It’s dark in the Doctor’s cell, but it’s far darker in her mind.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading! My tumblr is @keysmashi, feel free to hop over and check it out.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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